Domestic Violence, Restraining Order, Restraining Order

Does Domestic Violence Increase During the Holidays?

December 15, 2025 TRIWriter

The answer is a troubling yes. While the holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, family togetherness, and celebration, for many individuals living with domestic violence, it represents a period of heightened danger and fear. Understanding this reality is critical for protecting vulnerable family members and knowing when and how to seek help.

The Statistics Tell a Sobering Story

Recent data confirms what domestic violence advocates have long observed: domestic violence spikes every year during the holidays. The numbers are significant and consistent across different regions.

An IPV study based on data gathered between 2005 and 2017 showed that 15% of all domestic violence-related visits to emergency rooms occurred during holiday periods, with New Year’s Eve having the highest incident rate.
San Antonio’s Metro Health reports domestic violence cases tend to rise by around 25% during the holidays. This trend isn’t isolated to one community. Police say several factors contribute to the increase in domestic violence during the holidays, including financial stress, alcohol and drugs, holiday shopping pressures, and family dynamics.
A 2024 report, “The Costs of Intimate Partner Violence in California,” reveals a cost of $73.7 billion to the state in health care, lost productivity and income, and criminal justice and response program spending for domestic violence cases in 2022 alone. This is about 2% of California’s gross domestic product.

The pattern extends beyond just major winter holidays. Stress elevates, finances usually take a hit, alcohol and drug use tend to increase, and people are at home more with their family during various holiday periods throughout the year, creating multiple windows of increased risk.

Why Does Domestic Violence Increase During Holidays?

Several key elements create what some advocates call a “perfect storm” of risk factors.

Financial Stress and Economic Pressure

The expectation to buy gifts, host gatherings, and create picture-perfect celebrations places enormous financial strain on households. Financial stress is one of the most significant contributors to the rise in domestic violence during the holidays, as the pressure to buy gifts, host gatherings, and meet societal expectations can strain household budgets, often exacerbating existing tensions within relationships.

Increased Alcohol and Substance Use

The holiday season is often accompanied by increased alcohol consumption, which is a well-known risk factor for domestic violence, as alcohol can impair judgment and lower inhibitions, making it easier for underlying tensions to erupt into physical confrontations. Holiday parties and social gatherings often normalize excessive drinking, providing abusers with both opportunity and excuse for violent behavior.

Heightened Emotional Expectations

The cultural pressure to be happy, grateful, and family-oriented during the holidays creates additional stress for those in troubled relationships. The holidays can be emotionally taxing, as the expectation to maintain a cheerful demeanor, coupled with the stress of family interactions, can lead to heightened emotions, and for those already in volatile relationships, these emotional triggers can escalate conflicts into physical violence.

Increased Time Together and Isolation

With families spending extended time together, such as spouses or parents with school-age children back at home on a school break, the chances of violence within a household increase. Additionally, during the holidays, many support services like shelters and hotlines may have reduced hours or may be understaffed, making it more challenging for victims to seek help or escape abusive situations.

Control and Power Dynamics

While there are several factors that can fuel domestic violence during the holidays, the root cause usually involves one family member exerting control over another. The holidays provide abusers with additional opportunities to isolate victims from support systems, control finances, and manipulate family dynamics.

The Hidden Reality: The Honeymoon Phase

Interestingly, domestic violence shelters report a complex pattern during the holidays. Shelters actually see short dips this time of year, when survivors try to go back home, as the honeymoon phase kicks in with abusers saying, ‘I love you, I’m sorry, it’s the holidays. This cycle makes the holiday period particularly dangerous, as victims may return to unsafe situations hoping for change that rarely materializes.

How Judy Burger Can Help

If you’re experiencing domestic violence, taking legal action can be a critical step toward safety and protection. As a California Certified Family Law Specialist, Judy L. Burger has dedicated her practice to helping victims of domestic violence obtain the legal protection they need. This certification, held by fewer than 10% of California family law attorneys, reflects advanced knowledge and proven experience in family law matters, including domestic violence cases.

Judy can help you obtain a domestic violence restraining order, which can provide multiple layers of protection. In California, these orders can require the abuser to stay away from you, your home, your workplace, and your children’s schools. They can also address child custody and visitation, require the abuser to move out of a shared residence, and prohibit the abuser from possessing firearms.

The Law Offices of Judy L. Burger understands the urgency of domestic violence situations. Judy and her team can guide you through the process of obtaining emergency protective orders, temporary restraining orders, and permanent restraining orders. They can also help you navigate related family law matters, including divorce, child custody, and property division, when domestic violence is a factor.

Beyond restraining orders, Judy can provide comprehensive legal representation if you’re going through a divorce involving domestic violence. She understands how abuse affects custody determinations, spousal support calculations, and property division. Her approach prioritizes your safety and your children’s safety while protecting your legal rights and financial interests.

Recognizing the Signs and Taking Action

Domestic violence takes many forms beyond physical abuse. In California, abuse can be emotional, psychological, verbal, or physical. It can include controlling access to money, isolating someone from friends and family, or engaging in coercive control that interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty.

If you’re in immediate danger, always call 911 first. Once you’re safe, contacting an attorney who understands domestic violence can help you create a comprehensive safety plan and obtain legal protection.

The time when leaving or planning to leave an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous. Having a skilled attorney on your side ensures you understand your options, have proper legal documentation, and take steps that protect both your immediate safety and your long-term interests.

Holiday Domestic Violence FAQs

Can I get a restraining order during the holidays, even when courts are closed?

Yes. Law enforcement officers can request emergency protective orders from judges 24 hours a day, including holidays and weekends. These emergency orders last 5-7 days and go into effect immediately, giving you time to seek a longer-term domestic violence restraining order from the court when it reopens.

Does a domestic violence restraining order affect child custody during the holidays?

Yes. A domestic violence restraining order can include temporary custody and visitation orders that remain in effect during the holidays. The court prioritizes the safety of children when domestic violence is present, and holiday visitation schedules can be modified or supervised to ensure protection.

What if my abuser promises to change and wants me to drop the restraining order for the holidays?

You should never feel pressured to drop legal protection. The “honeymoon phase,” where abusers apologize and promise change, is a well-documented part of the cycle of violence. Consult with your attorney before making any decisions about modifying or dismissing a restraining order, regardless of promises made.

Can financial stress during the holidays be used as a defense for domestic violence?

No. While financial stress may be a contributing factor to increased tension, it is never an excuse or legal defense for domestic violence. California law protects victims regardless of the circumstances that may have contributed to the abuser’s behavior. Everyone has the right to live free from violence and abuse.

Is there a cost to file for a domestic violence restraining order in California?

No. There is no filing fee to request a domestic violence restraining order in California. The court process is designed to be accessible to all victims of domestic violence, regardless of their financial situation. Additionally, if your restraining order is granted, the court can order the abuser to pay your attorney’s fees and costs.

Take Action to Protect Yourself and Your Family

The holidays should be a time of safety, peace, and genuine celebration—not fear and danger. If you or someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, especially during this high-risk holiday season, don’t wait to seek help.

The Law Offices of Judy L. Burger is here to provide the legal guidance and protection you need. With offices throughout California and a deep commitment to helping victims of domestic violence, Judy Burger and her team understand the courage it takes to seek help and the urgency of your situation.

Don’t let another holiday season pass in fear. Call The Law Offices of Judy L. Burger now and learn about your legal options for protection. Your safety and your children’s safety are too important to wait. Reach out today—we’re ready to help you reclaim your life and build a safer tomorrow.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Child Custody

Shared Custody Tips for Managing the Holidays

December 1, 2025 TRIWriter

The holiday season should be a time of joy and celebration for children, but for divorced or separated parents, it can become a source of stress and conflict. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, winter holidays, spring break, or summer vacations, navigating shared custody during special occasions requires careful planning, clear communication, and a commitment to prioritizing your children’s needs.

At The Law Offices of Judy L. Burger, we understand the complexities of shared custody arrangements in California. As a Certified Family Law Specialist, Judy Burger has helped countless families create workable holiday schedules that prioritize children’s well-being while respecting both parents’ rights to meaningful time with their kids.

Common Holiday Custody Challenges

Holiday custody disputes are among the most emotionally charged issues facing separated parents. Understanding these common problems can help you avoid them before they escalate.

Last-Minute Schedule Changes

One parent may attempt to alter agreed-upon plans without adequate notice, leaving the other parent scrambling to adjust their holiday preparations. This creates unnecessary tension and disappoints children who were looking forward to specific celebrations.

Conflicting Family Traditions

Each parent may have strong feelings about maintaining family traditions, from specific holiday meals to religious observances. When these traditions conflict with the custody schedule, resentment can build quickly.

Extended Family Expectations

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives often have their own expectations about seeing the children during holidays. Managing these relationships while honoring custody agreements adds another layer of complexity.

Travel Complications

Holiday travel plans can clash with custody schedules, especially when one parent wants to take children out of state or abroad. Without clear guidelines in your custody order, these situations can lead to serious disputes.

Unequal Holiday Distribution

Parents may feel the division of holidays is unfair, particularly when major celebrations fall close together or when alternating years means missing important milestones.

Actionable Tips for Successful Holiday Co-Parenting in Shared Custody

Here are some steps you can take before every holiday to help things go smoothly:

Plan Well in Advance: Review your custody agreement at least two to three months before major holidays. Mark all important dates on a shared calendar and discuss any potential conflicts early. This gives both parents time to make arrangements and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings.
Communicate in Writing: Use email, text, or co-parenting apps to document all holiday arrangements. Written communication creates a clear record of agreements and helps prevent “he said, she said” disputes. Keep your messages focused on logistics and the children’s best interests.
Be Flexible and Willing to Negotiate: Life doesn’t always follow the custody schedule to the letter. If your co-parent requests a reasonable schedule swap, consider accommodating them when possible. This goodwill often comes back around when you need flexibility yourself.
Focus on the Children’s Experience: Remember that holidays are about creating positive memories for your children, not winning time with them. Avoid speaking negatively about your co-parent, and encourage your children to enjoy their time with both families.
Create New Traditions: You don’t have to celebrate every holiday on the exact date. If your children spend Thanksgiving Day with their other parent, create a special “Thanksgiving weekend” celebration with your extended family. Children can adapt to new traditions more easily than adults.
Respect the Custody Order: Your custody agreement is a legal document. Even if you disagree with certain provisions, following the order demonstrates respect for the legal process and sets a positive example for your children. If the current arrangement truly isn’t working, seek legal modification rather than unilaterally changing plans.
Keep Extended Family Informed: Share your custody schedule with grandparents and other relatives early. This helps them plan their own gatherings around when the children will be available and reduces pressure on you to violate custody agreements.
Prepare for Travel Properly: If your custody order requires notification or consent for travel, provide proper documentation well in advance. Share travel itineraries, contact information, and accommodation details with your co-parent. This transparency builds trust and ensures everyone knows how to reach the children if needed.
Consider the Children’s Preferences: As children get older, their own wishes about holiday time become increasingly important. While you shouldn’t burden them with making custody decisions, listening to their feelings can help you create arrangements that work better for everyone.
Document Everything: Keep records of holiday exchanges, communications about schedule changes, and any agreements you reach outside the formal custody order. This documentation can be valuable if disputes arise or if you need to modify your custody arrangement.

How Judy Burger Can Help

Navigating holiday custody doesn’t have to be overwhelming. As a California Certified Family Law Specialist, Judy L. Burger brings extensive experience and specialized knowledge to custody matters. This certification, held by fewer than 10% of California family law attorneys, demonstrates her advanced knowledge and commitment to this complex area of law.

Judy can help you create comprehensive custody agreements that address holiday schedules in detail, reducing ambiguity and future conflicts. If your current arrangement isn’t working, she can guide you through the modification process. For parents facing custody disputes, Judy provides skilled representation that prioritizes your children’s best interests while protecting your parental rights.

Child Custody FAQs

Can I modify our holiday custody schedule if it’s not working?

Yes, you can request a modification if you can demonstrate a change in circumstances. The court will consider what arrangement serves the children’s best interests. Working with an experienced family law attorney increases your chances of a successful modification.

What happens if my co-parent violates our holiday custody order?

Violations of custody orders can have serious legal consequences. Document the violation and consult with a family law attorney about your options, which may include filing a motion for contempt or requesting a modification.

Do teenagers get to choose which parent they spend holidays with?

While California courts consider children’s preferences, especially as they mature, the final decision rests with the court based on the child’s best interests. Typically, children aged 14 and older have more input, but they don’t have absolute choice.

How far in advance must I notify my co-parent about holiday travel plans?

This depends on your specific custody order. Many agreements require 30 to 60 days’ notice for out-of-state travel. Always review your order and provide as much advance notice as possible.

What if we can’t agree on how to split the holidays?

If you cannot reach an agreement through negotiation or mediation, the court will decide based on the children’s best interests. Having experienced legal representation ensures your position is effectively presented.

Take the Next Step with Shared Custody Assistance

Don’t let holiday custody stress overshadow what should be joyful times with your children. Whether you need help creating a workable shared custody schedule, modifying an existing order, or resolving a custody dispute, The Law Offices of Judy L. Burger is here to help.

Contact us today for a consultation. With offices throughout California and a commitment to personalized service, Judy Burger and her team will provide the guidance you need to navigate custody challenges successfully. Call now to schedule your appointment and take the first step toward peaceful, child-focused holiday celebrations for years to come.

Child Custody, California Divorce

How to Handle Holidays in Your Parenting Plan

December 20, 2019 Judy Burger

Every year, Jessie’s parents fought over where she would spend Thanksgiving. Ethan had the opposite problem – both his parents preferred to spend holidays on exotic (and childless) vacations. Sheila hated talking to her ex-husband about the kids’ holidays, so she unhappily capitulated year after year. If you are in the process of getting divorced, know that it’s best to handle holidays in your parenting plan and not on a holiday-to-holiday basis.

Two Major Topics, Many Choices

Parents must complete a parenting plan before finalizing their divorce. In a California divorce, parenting plans cover two major areas:

Time-Share – how the children’s time will be split between parents; and
Decision making – how decisions about the children’s health, education, and welfare will be handled by the parents.

That sounds fairly easy – until you think of how many topics fall under each major area. For example, Time-Share involves a child’s regular schedule as well as how their time will be spent during holidays.

Scheduling Holiday Time

Trying to decide where your kids will spend Christmas and their birthdays can be stressful. Both parents may want the same days and times. Flexibility and spontaneity work sometimes, but the best time to plan your holidays is when you’re preparing your parenting plan.

In fact, parents prepare and attach a form titled “Children’s Holiday Schedule Attachment” to their parenting plan before submitting it for court approval. The form includes major holidays, as well as:

Lincoln’s Birthday (February 12),
President’s Day,
Spring Break (first and second halves),
Columbus Day,
Halloween,
Veterans Day (November 11),
Thanksgiving weekend,
December/January School Break, and
Birthdays, including child, mom, and dad.

Other options include:

Times. For example, the child may be with the mom from 8 pm Christmas Eve until noon Christmas Day.
Every Year. For instance, the child may spend Thanksgiving with Dad every year instead of alternating with Mom.
Even-Numbered/Odd-Numbered Years. Mom may have the kids on Christmas on even-numbered years, with Dad taking them on odd-numbered years. So, Dad would have them in 2019 and Mom in 2020.

According to the form, the child’s holiday schedule takes priority over the normal parenting schedule. For example, Dad may have the kids every weekend. However, if Christmas falls on Sunday, and it is Mom’s year according to the holiday schedule, then the kids go with Mom.

Scheduling Holidays in Your Parenting Plan Doesn’t Have to Be A Hassle

Do your homework when preparing your plans. If disagreements arise later, know that help is available from the courts if necessary.

Please call us at (415) 293-8314 to schedule a confidential appointment with one of our attorneys. Ms. Burger is a California Certified Family Law Specialist and founder of the Law Offices of Judy L. Burger. We assist clients in California’s Northern to Central Coast, including San Francisco, Beverly Hills, Gold River, Santa Barbara, Ventura/Oxnard, and surrounding communities.