Tips for Helping Kids Survive Divorce

Tips for Helping Kids Survive Divorce

If you are getting divorced and have children, you may question how to tell your kids about the divorce. They may need help learning to cope with all the changes in their lives. Parents, and other adults who love the children, may need tips on helping kids survive divorce. We will look at few tips in this article.

Recognize Stages Kids Go Through

After telling your children about the divorce, watch for the following emotions and behavior:

  • Denial – refusing to believe their parents are separating.
  • Anger – misbehaving and acting out because of the disruption to their lives.
  • Depression – feeling overwhelmed or helpless.
  • Bargaining – trying to get parents to reconcile.
  • Acceptance – beginning to heal and get back to normal.

At every stage, parents may have the opportunity to help their children cope.

Parents Can Make Transitions Easier – Or Far More Difficult

The parents’ behavior goes a long way toward helping kids learn to survive and thrive during a divorce. With that in mind:

  • Don’t use your children as pawns or messengers.
  • Do talk positively as much as possible.
  • Don’t talk bad about your children’s other parent.
  • Do encourage your children to talk about how they feel.
  • Don’t fight with each other in front of the kids.
  • Do communicate cordially and coordinate visitation.
  • Don’t forget to pick up and return the kids at the scheduled dates and times.
  • Do show your children that you love them.

In addition, negotiate your marital settlement and parenting plan in good faith. Try to come up with a plan that helps your kids survive divorce.

Courts Pay Attention to Children’s Needs

Laws, statutes, and regulations cannot eliminate feelings of rage, revenge, unworthiness, and grief. It may be difficult to control your emotions and actions. However, judges will assess how parents relate to their children when deciding child custody arrangements. Courts are required to keep the children’s best interests in mind, even when the parents struggle with addressing their kids’ feelings along with their own.

Helping Kids Survive Divorce Is a Top Priority

It’s not always easy, though. Having an attorney help with a divorce may ease some of your tension.

Judy Burger is a California Certified Family Law Specialist, and founder of the Law Offices of Judy L. Burger. Please call our offices at 415-293-8314 to set up an appointment with one of our attorneys. We assist clients along the Northern to Central California Coast.
No Fault Divorce Do I Need Grounds for Divorce in California

No Fault Divorce: Do I Need Grounds for Divorce in California

Sarah felt it was time to end her marriage to Albert. They’d been together seven years. After the honeymoon, their relationship shifted, work tugged them apart, and they rarely spent time together any more. However, Sarah wondered if she needed grounds for divorce in California? She couldn’t just ‘dissolve’ their marriage without some big problem like infidelity or domestic violence, right? Let’s address this question and others you may have about no-fault divorce.

Should I have a reason for filing for divorce?

The fact that you want to dissolve your marriage is a reason. It’s not necessary to make allegations of adultery, abuse, or abandonment. Instead, you simply file the papers to dissolve your marital bonds citing something like irreconcilable differences or irreparable breakdown of the marriage.

California was actually the first state to pass a no-fault divorce law in 1969. All other states now allow no-fault divorce.

What does “irreconcilable differences” mean?

Well, it’s not just a 1984 movie starring Ryan O’Neal and Drew Barrymore. You’ve probably heard the term mentioned in the news, though.

A strict legal definition of irreconcilable differences means that the two parties face obstacles to continuing their marriage. Basically, their situation has become too bad to fix.

Before no-fault divorce, the party filing for dissolution had to prove to the court that the marriage should be terminated.

Is a no-fault divorce easier to get?

Divorces take at least six months to finalize. However, the length of time it takes to resolve all issues varies greatly depending on those issues. For example, a marriage with children or extensive financial holdings may take longer than a less complex situation.

Generally, though, a no-fault divorce is less complicated than a ‘fault’ divorce. It’s not necessary to gather evidence to present to the judge who would then decide whether or not your marriage could end.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

It’s not necessary to prove wrongdoing to get a divorce in California. However, a spouse’s bad behavior or misconduct may affect property division, child support, child custody, and spousal support. Talk to an experienced California divorce attorney to learn more about your options.

Ms. Burger is a California Certified Family Law Specialist and founder of the Law Offices of Judy L. Burger. We assist clients in California’s Northern to Central Coast, including San Francisco, Beverly Hills, Gold River, Santa Barbara, Ventura/Oxnard, and surrounding communities.

Please call us at (415) 293-8314 to schedule a confidential appointment with one of our attorneys.
Military Divorces March to the Beat of a Different Drummer

Military Divorces March to the Beat of a Different Drummer

Divorce is hard enough for most people. However, when one – or both – of the parties serve in the military, the process may feel more like a 20-mile hike with full pack than a court proceeding. While military divorces do require a few extra steps, it’s usually possible to get over any obstacles that arise.

Residency Requirements and Military Divorces

In a California divorce, at least one party must meet the following conditions regarding residency:

  • Must have lived in California for the last six months, AND
  • Must have lived in the county where you plan to file for at least the past three months.

A military divorce can be filed in California if:

  • The service member’s legal residence is California; or
  • The spouse’s legal residence is California; or
  • The military member is stationed in California.

As with any divorce, the person who wants the divorce can file for legal separation if he or she does not meet the residency requirements.

Basic Issues in a Military Divorces

Branches of the military handle certain issues differently for servicemembers than civilians. For example, a divorced spouse may be able to use base housing in some circumstances. Benefits, including health care, may still be offered to some divorced spouses. Other benefits like commissary and exchange privileges may be appropriate depending on the length of the marriage and other factors.

Divorce is a civil matter handled by civil courts. However, active duty service members may be able to stop or delay an action taken in a divorce.

A Combination of State, Federal, and Military Law

California divorce laws govern much of the divorce proceeding. However, other laws relate to military divorces:

  • Service Member’s Civil Relief Act (SCRA). This law protects active-duty military personnel and their families from certain legal actions. For example, permanent custody orders may not be entered against service members who are deployed or otherwise unavailable because of military service.
  • Uniform Services Former Spouse Protection Act. This law relates to the division of military retired pay. Child support and spousal support are also addressed.

All Divorces Are Not Created Equal

To get through your military divorce, find an attorney with a deep understanding of California divorce law and military divorce procedures.

To discuss how to handle military divorce issues, please call us at 415-293-8314. The attorneys at the Law Offices of Judy L. Burger assist clients in San Francisco, Beverly Hills, Marin County, Santa Barbara, Ventura/Oxnard, San Jose, Gold River (Sacramento), and surrounding communities.

3 Debunkable Myths About California Spousal Support

3 Debunkable Myths About California Spousal Support

Myths are widely-held beliefs that are actually incorrect. Even California divorces face a few myths, especially about spousal support. Fortunately, those myths are easy to debunk using California divorce laws.

Myth #1 – All Women Receive Spousal Support

This belief is false. According to California law, the court may consider the following factors when deciding whether either party will receive spousal support:

  • Each party’s ability to earn a living.
  • Whether one party helped the other party with education, training, career opportunities, and obtaining licenses necessary for employment.
  • If the supporting party makes enough money to pay spousal support.
  • The standard of living each party enjoyed during the marriage.
  • Each party’s obligations and assets, including their separate property.
  • How long the marriage lasted.
  • Whether the supported spouse can work without hurting the couple’s dependent children.
  • The parties’ age and health.
  • Whether the couple has a history of domestic violence, including actions taken against their children.
  • Any tax consequences the parties may face.
  • Whether the supported party can eventually become self-supporting.
  • Whether one party has a criminal conviction for abuse against the other.

The courts may decide not to give spousal support to a woman based on the factors listed above.

Myth #2 – Only Women Can Receive Spousal Support

Also easily debunked. California law does not state that women can receive support under the circumstances listed above. Instead, it refers to the parties to the divorce.

For example, it is uncommon for wives who earn more than their husbands to receive support payments. In fact, they may be ordered to pay spousal support to their ex-husbands if the conditions are right.

Myth #3 – Marriages of Over 10 Years Guarantee Spousal Support

This is a common misunderstanding. California law does mention marriages of long duration, which means marriages of 10 years or more.

However, the law states that the court “retains jurisdiction” indefinitely for marriages that meet the long duration test. Whether a party receives spousal support or not is still determined by the court’s consideration of the factors listed in Myth #1 above.

Learn More About Your California Spousal Support Options

The attorneys at the Law Offices of Judy L. Burger are experienced at all phases of divorce proceedings, including spousal support. Call us at 415-293-8314 to schedule a private appointment or visit our website. We maintain offices in San Francisco, Beverly Hills, Marin County, Santa Barbara, Ventura/Oxnard, San Jose, Gold River (Sacramento), and surrounding communities.