Looking for expert advice about how to help your children cope during your divorce is a solid first step. When children learn that their parents are divorcing, it can feel like their world is spinning out of control. Fortunately, as parents, you have a great degree of influence and can help your children adjust to this new chapter in their lives.
The single most important thing that parents can do to help their children cope with divorce is to keep the kids out of the conflict. Research has shown time and again that it is not divorce itself that leads to so many of the negative consequences for kids; instead, it is how the parents handle the divorce that is the best predictor of how kids fare.
Here are some ideas to help you avoid drawing your kids into parental conflict:
- Don’t tell your children the details of why you are divorcing or place blame on the other parent.
- Store important documents and communications, such as letters and emails, in a place where your kids won’t see them.
- If it is safe to do so and abuse is not an issue, encourage your kids to stay in contact with the other parent and his or her extended family through phone calls.
- Don’t vent about or discuss adult issues when your kids are around, and counsel your friends and family not to do so.
- Don’t ask your kids to choose with whom to spend time; follow your custody and visitation schedule.
- Don’t ask your children to spy on the other parent or to deliver messages or payments on your behalf.
In addition to keeping your kids out of your conflict, it’s important to spend time with your children, to listen to them, to reassure them of your love for them, and to validate their feelings.
For compassionate legal counsel during this difficult time, contact the experienced family attorneys at the Law Offices of Judy L. Burger. We will provide legal support tailored to your specific situation. Make the call today to learn how our attorneys can help: (415) 293-8314.